A short trip worth taking

Summer, Bus is a delightful short film, especially if you are having a bad day. Two different bus drivers have their turn on Bus #33 with unique and uplifting experiences.

Our first bus driver plays matchmaker and is a sweet talker when the machine malfunctions. The second bus driver deals with a mischievous pint-sized tagger who loves sea life and harbors a secret.

Were the stories realistic? Probably not. Were they heartwarming and life affirming? Most decidedly, yes. The lilting music carried the characters along as much as the swaying bus. The good-natured drivers dealt with problems in positive manners, even when passengers were cranky.

This 20 minute trip on a crowded bus could perk up almost any journey you are currently on.

9 December 2024

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"Life is long and the revolution is short"

The Old Garden was an ill fated tale of love set right after the Gwangju Massacre and 17 years afterwards. A dedicated revolutionary and a teacher seeking a quiet life meet and fall in love during the tumultuous time.

Oh Hyun Woo has to go into hiding when he and his group are being hunted by the government for their activities in defying the current regime. Somehow art teacher Han Yoo Hee recognizes him and takes him to her rural home. Before you can say Bob’s your uncle the two have fallen in love. And just as quickly, Yoo Hee discovers that love can’t stop Hyun Woo from his sense of guilt and returning to Seoul where he is immediately arrested, tortured, and sent to jail indefinitely.

The Old Garden bounced back and forth in time which made it hard for me to connect with the characters, especially when they were given precious little backstory and time together. Even as the story progressed, big gaps were left out of the narrative. Yoo Hee’s father was brought up several times without explaining why Hyun Woo reminded her of him. While Hyun Woo was in jail, her activities were never explained fully nor his life in jail. We’re introduced to older Hyun Woo as he reminisces about their short time together while alternating between his life and hers.

Hyun Woo’s reason for returning to Seoul in order to be jailed was rather thin, even for someone dedicated to the cause. Not all of his compatriots were jailed and in their older age (mid-thirties?) they argued over who had stayed true to socialism and who had sold out. In flashbacks, one of the groups callously decided who would be sacrificed. But the overarching shadow fell from the government and their blatant crimes against humanity. Other films and dramas have done a better job of demonstrating the cruelty inflicted upon dissidents so this film needed to sell the romance. With much of the time dedicated to when the lovers were apart, that was a tall task and only partially accomplished. Both characters suffered off screen when they were separated by eschewing the rule of show don’t tell. The characters were never fleshed out completely, coming across rather flat. Not to nitpick, but of course I'm going to, where was the titular garden?

The Old Garden was beautifully shot and had a nice OST. The actors both did their best with the material given. Somewhere in all the hopping through time and skipping over plot elements, I became emotionally detached from Hyun Woo and Yoo Hee, through no fault of the actors. If you go into the film with low expectations there were meaningful moments to be had but they were few and far between.

6 December 2024
Trigger warning: A rather graphic self immolation scene

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"Don't worry, nothing is going to happen"

Michelle Yeoh, Maggie Cheung, and Anita Mui returned for this sequel to The Heroic Trio from the same year. While The Heroic Trio was campy and fun, Executioners was dark with an erratic script and zero fun.

Wonder Woman aka Tung (Anita Mui) is now married with a daughter. Her husband, Commissioner Lau, is rarely home as he is dealing with the aftermath of a nuclear strike that has left the people without clean water for several years. An entrepreneur named Mr. Kim (Anthony Wong) has figured out how to clean the radiation out of the water and sells small shipments at premium prices. Invisible Girl* aka Sandy Ching (Michelle Yeoh) turned over a new leaf after the first movie and is helping transport medical supplies. Thief Catcher Chat (Maggie Cheung) is still doing whatever she can to make a buck. Religious leader Chung Hon and a military colonel are both in cahoots with Mr. Kim. The president is vulnerable as well as the government in general with Kim and the Colonel both gunning to take over the country. Somehow the Heroic Trio must find a way to save themselves and the people from the evil men’s machinations.

The budget must have been miniscule for this film. In order to make the cheap sets appear post-apocalyptic they turned down the lights and turned up the fog machine. The strength of the first film was the relationship between the three women. Here, they were rarely together. The main exception being a gratuitous bubble bath scene at the beginning of the film as they played a game of grab and tickle. If there was a Sapphic subplot it might have made more sense but here it seemed to be designed to titillate 15-year-old boys. There weren’t many action scenes and most weren’t memorable. The plot seemed to be focused on the women fighting in skirts or short shorts and having as many people killed as possible. If they had ever planned a third film those characters eliminated should have counted themselves lucky.

It is no secret that I love the beautiful and talented Michelle Yeoh and will watch anything she is in. I also adore Maggie Cheung. The three women combined could not save this movie, actually if they’d had scenes together it might have helped. Anthony Wong as the villain was hampered by having to wear heavily scarred facial prosthetics and a mask on top of that. Kaneshiro Takeshi’s religious leader seemed to be a prominent role until he lost his head early on. Lau Ching Wan’s character had possibilities but ended up all wet. One of the characters that dragged this movie down considerably for me was the daughter. She was always getting lost or making a scene or diving into danger. It didn’t help that the dubbed voice was equally annoying as the character.

Executioners had a wealth of talent and wasted all of it on a dreary, convoluted story. When the three women were together fighting it was exciting. The trouble was the director forgot that key piece and squandered his cast and my time.

5 December 2024
Trigger warning: Rats and drinking of rat’s blood
* In the first film, Michelle Yeoh’s character wore an invisible cloak, but not in this film.

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"My ammunition is my speech"

Apostasy was a muddled criticism of the caste system in Japan set in the early 1900’s. I learned some new things about the feudal system and their utter disregard for the burakumin. The burakumin were social outcasts due to their jobs that related to uncleanliness and death. Fascinating how eating butchered meat is okay, butchering the meat makes you less than. Everyone wants their dearly departed loved ones taken care of, but undertakers were less than. Segawa was a young teacher who came from the burakumin caste who was sworn to silence by his father so that he could live a normal life.

Kazama, an older teacher from the samurai caste is forced to resign months before he could retire and collect his pension. Young progressive teachers Segawa and Tsuchiya attempt to argue his case with the principal but are promptly shut down. The principal’s “modern” nephew is hired to take Kazama’s place. Inoko, a burakumin who has come out and is leading the charge for equal rights for outcasts is constantly threatened. He is looking for a successor and hopes Segawa will take his place. Segawa is in love with Kazama’s daughter Oshiho, but afraid to push forward as she is from a higher class and he is secretly an outcast and terrified of being found out.

In older Japanese films, it is usually a solid rule of thumb that the good guys/girls are dressed in traditional clothes, while the bad guys/girls are dressed in Western style clothes. While Segawa and Tsuchiya were progressive in their ideas, they wore traditional clothes. The principal and immoral nephew wore suits. The lower middle class that had taken over the school board in this time of change drove out the samurai for financial reasons. They were just following “the rules.” The once ruling class was initially shown sympathetically. Yet those whose standings were raised were oppressively prejudiced against the outcasts and unwilling for them to have the same chances opened up to themselves. It was the same game, just different players with the marginalized still suffering the most. The outcasts were refused medical care and told they were not welcome even in small backwater towns. When one burakumin was murdered it wasn’t seen as a crime. The film also alluded that it would be these new people stepping into the power structure that would support the militaristic ideas that led to WWII. And of course, this film was largely dealing with men’s ability to have access to better opportunities. If Oshiho had told Segawa she wanted to train to be a doctor, he’d have thought she was out of her damn mind.

Segawa should have been the focal point of sympathy but he behaved so emotionally and at times cowardly that it was hard to relate to him. He was surely torn between his father’s mandate to keep his heritage secret and his mentor’s mandate that only by stepping into the light and demanding equality could the outcasts ever lead normal lives. Examples of abusive behavior toward the outcasts was often shown and Segawa who lived a respectable life did not want to be run out of town or beaten to death. Part of the disconnect for me was Ikebe Ryo’s performance which was overwrought, bordering on hysterical, even by 1940’s standards.

Apostasy was an example of people not wanting to give up power and refusing to share it. A stalwart attitude of total collectivism with certain people relegated to the bottom was difficult to shake up. Old superstitions and pecking orders did not give way easily to egalitarianism. This rigid way of thinking still plagues societies today, marginalized people who harm no one are forced to stay on the outside of society for no better reasons than what was portrayed here. Stepping forward and demanding equality is a daily and dangerous business.

“If you still look down on villagers or honor the samurai or the noble, you are still bound to the feudal way of thinking.”

25 November 2024

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Kung Fu Jellyfish!

Jellyfish Eyes is a children’s movie by director Murakami Takashi that showed children, adults, and “scientists” attempting to process the trauma of the 2011 earthquake and tsunami. Everyone searched for answers on how to be safe in an unsafe and unpredictable world. Or if you just look on the surface it was about children with magical creatures that were often used like Pokémon cockfights.

Masashi lost his dad during the tsunami. He and his mom have finally left the evacuation camp and moved to a new place. Moments after moving in he discovers a creature he calls Kurage-bo (Jellyfish boy) who devours their stock of Chee-kama. His uncle Naoto works at the university’s lab with several creepy scientists wearing black capes. They are seeking a way to collect the life force that creates disasters and the small creatures they call F.R.I.E.N.D.s were a byproduct. Masashi learns at school that everyone has a F.R.I.E.N.D. though the other students have controls they can use to make their creatures invisible. They also have contests where their creatures fight each other. When Tatsuya sics his critter on Masashi, Kurage-bo defeats the chief bully’s frog with martial arts. Go Kung Fu Jellyfish! Masashi makes friends with Saki and her giant dog F.R.I.E.N.D., Luxor. Saki’s mom belongs to a cult that attempts to control the uncontrollable through picketing and prayer. It’s not long before the creepy caped scientists’ goal is revealed to be fiendish in the old school burn things to the ground and start over format.

The movie primarily focused on the children and their relationships with each other and their F.R.I.E.N.D.s. Though the actions of adults and the government were called into question, the children’s violent tendencies showed that cruelty starts young. Masashi and Saki wanted to avoid the Pokémon, I mean F.R.I.E.N.D. fights. Their selfless actions came to change the hearts of the bullies. The two young actors gave good performances as Masashi and Saki. Saitoh Takumi as Uncle Naoto played several handsome versions of himself.

Jellyfish's CGI was adequate, but not stellar. The creatures were all different and creative. Kung Fu Jellyfish made a variety of transformations when needed to help save the world. During many of the fights, I was disturbed at creatures with no agency of their own forced to fight each other. Give the kids brass knuckles and bats and let them duke it out instead of setting basically enslaved creatures against each other. On the positive side, Masashi and Saki were against the fights. The film did offer a little something for my kaiju loving heart which boosted its rating for me.

There were not one, but two delusional cults that wanted to cleanse the land. Adults turned to whoever promised them some sort of control over disasters and evil. Kids today are more science savvy so the convoluted science babble the black cloaked nihilists banged on about might leave them shaking their heads. While the children learned about cooperation and bravery, the adults just wandered around in a fog leaving the world saving to the kids.

Jellyfish Eyes was not a great film and could have cut its run time to eliminate a couple of draggy places. For younger children the film had enough random action and small creatures to possibly keep their attention. I thought the film had several cute moments for children and also tried to address the community trauma parts of Japan suffered in the aftermath of the tsunami and Fukushima disaster. Masashi and Saki had an endearing friendship as they both tried to come to terms with the loss and change they’d experienced all while playing with their not so invisible F.R.I.E.N.D.s. They even found time to save the world.
(Rated as a children's film)

27 October 2024
Trigger warnings: What looked like a suicide. Bullying.

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Six boys are all that stand between Earth and annihilation!

Not long ago I read that Invasion of the Neptune Men was one of the worst films ever made. Man, whoever wrote that has not seen very many films. Actually, there is a dubbed, shortened version that was shown on Mystery Science Theater which seemed to be the one most reviewers had watched. Now the subbed version is no award winner, but for a children’s movie it was watchable. People hoping to see Sonny “Street Fighter” Chiba will also be disappointed. This was early in his career when he was around 22. The film was bonkers funny with aliens in bullet shaped welders’ helmets and Sonny driving a car/fighter plane/spaceship that squealed tires on grass. This film focused on 6 young school boys and may or may not have been a figment of their imagination.

Six school boys who hero worship scientist Dr. Tachibana are out looking for satellites with their telescope. Given that it’s daytime, you’d think they wouldn’t have much luck. Ah, but luck favors the prepared for a spaceship lands not far from them. Completely unafraid they check the ship out and are soon surrounded by aliens! Luck smiled on them again when superhero Iron Sharp comes to their rescue and puts a karate beatdown on the interlopers. The aliens initially attempted to start WWIII by causing suspicion between countries. At first no one believes the boys but the aliens from Neptune soon make their nefarious plot to take over the world known!

Despite obviously being a film aimed at children there were some disturbing images. The aliens blew up a nuclear reactor creating a mushroom cloud that had to invoke terrible memories for some original audience goers. There were several deaths as well. But when the aliens blew up the Hitler Building I was ready to reassess my opinion of them. Maybe they were just misunderstood? Then they went on to blow up buildings everywhere and took aim at those meddling kids. The events might have been in the boys’ imagination for two different reasons. The boys were allowed into every building and secure location, usually the first to come into contact with the Neptunians. Iron Sharp knew when they needed him and showed up with his vehicle armed with laser weapons. He also happened to be the hero the boys had dreamed up. Or maybe the scientists and military just had really, really bad security and Iron Sharp was omniscient.

If you are looking for captivating entertainment, this is not it. However, it's also not the worst movie ever made. Invasion of the Neptune Men could have used more menacing aliens and more competent adults, but for 70 minutes there was plenty of spaceship action and things being blown up. Robby the Robot even made a quick cameo. I’d void the truncated, dubbed version in favor of the subbed original if you decide to watch it. (Graded on a curve)

25 October 2024

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"It's tough to discipline a grown daughter"

Not one but two magic mirrors were the unholy desire of the Nine Souls Witch in The Devil’s Mirror. Two friendly clans were turned against each other as the Bloody Souls Clan double-crossed and sliced their way through righteous fighters in the hopes of serving the new ruler of the martial world.

Chief Wen and Chief Bai have discovered that the Nine Souls Witch has sent her minions to murder and thieve across the land. Numerous heroes have gone missing in recent weeks. Wen is concerned that she is after the two magic mirrors that would grant her access to Emperor Wu’s tomb where two powerful weapons are ensconced. Bai’s second in command, the Wormtongued Leng Yun assures his chief that there is nothing to worry about. Later that night the magic Wind Mirror is stolen from the Bai fortress. Leng convinces Bai it must have been the Wen clan as their badges were found on two of the dead assassins. Chief Wen’s son happens to arrive at that time to alert them that the witch’s minions are lurking nearby. When Leng tries to capture Wen Jian Feng, Chief Bai’s daughter, Xiaofeng, steps in with her sword to save the man she loves. The two young people will have to convince their clans to work together to retrieve the Wind Mirror and protect the Thunder Mirror for if the witch uses the two at the same time it could be devastating for the world.

I had to double-check to make sure this was not a Chang Cheh film as there were great Buckets O’ Blood spilled and spewing throughout this film. The sword fights were nearly constant and the red #2 finger-paint covered everyone. This was a typical 1972 film before all the special effects for fighting were developed though wire-fu was used as well as reverse filming. The Nine Souls Witch could fly and most of the time she didn’t look too awkward. The numerous stuntmen were what sold the fights as they twisted, flipped, and fell whenever the swords came near. They certainly got a workout in this action film.

Lau Dan and Shu Pei Pei were fine in their roles, but the characters came across as quite bland. Lee Ga Sai as the Jiuxuan Witch reveled in her maniacal laugh. If anything, they should have given her more meaningful actions to take instead of spending most of her time laughing or seducing men. The biggest and most welcome surprise was Wang Hsieh playing a good guy! He nearly always played an over-the-top villain in these kung fu flicks. Coincidentally, there were several fights at the SB 7 story pagoda and bridge where he once fought Cheng Pei Pei in The Lady Hermit (1971). Not only was he a good guy but was also rewarded with a significant fight of his own. Go Wang!

The Devil’s Mirror wasn’t a great name as there were two mirrors and a witch involved. One of the things I like about some of these Shaw Brothers films is that the character names are in the correct order and spelled correctly for the subtitles. I did wonder about the translation for the sword the witch wanted-the Fish Intestines Sword, but discovered that was one of the real names for it. Eww. Not only did the props guy have to buy red paint in bulk but also Buckets O’ Gold as nearly everything in the Emperor’s tomb was coated in gold paint!

The sets and costumes were all first rate for a 1972 wuxia. The Devil’s Mirror also offered magic, secret tunnels, torture, poison corpse pills, double-crosses, numerous group sword fights, and a nice surprise twist. If you enjoy old kung fu films, this is one to try. (Graded on a curve)

24 October 2024
Trigger warnings: Blood, lots of blood. Decapitation. Nudity.

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Before Sonny Chiba became The Street Fighter he fought genetically altered humans turned into fish men cyborgs. A diabolical scientist wanted to rule the world from his undersea headquarters and turn all humans into obedient cyborgs. Can Sonny and his plucky female sidekick and the US Navy stop the nefarious plan?

Reporters Ken and Jenny are aboard a navy sub in order to watch a new torpedo demonstration when a mysterious creature swims by the viewing window. Later the two don their scuba gear and go back to investigate. Jenny is confronted by one of the creatures and escapes. Commander Tom Brown says he doesn’t believe her, and like a good man from the 1960’s, recommends she see a psychiatrist. Ken does believe her and the two once again go underwater to see what’s going on but are captured by the strange creatures. They awaken to find themselves dressed in white pajamas and scuffed up white go-go boots. Dr. Rufus Moore introduces himself and explains his plan, showing the transformation of a man into a Creature from the Black Lagoon. Ken and Jenny seek to avoid that fate while their friend, Commander Brown fights bureaucratic red tape in order to rescue them.

I have a high tolerance for cheesy old monster films, but this one tested that tolerance. With the exception of Sonny, who looked great here I might add, the acting was abysmal. Not even in the cheesy, “Welcome to my lair, Mr. Bond,” kind of way. The costumes had issues with gaping spots and one was literally coming apart at the seams. The cyborg commands were rudimentary of which they showed only two, “work” and “fight.” But what happens if they become short-circuited and turn on their masters? They livened up the movie after a lot of yakking from the humans! Jenny’s sole purpose was to scream or cry loudly and look pretty which became quite annoying. Sonny’s street fighter powers were greatly reduced here. Instead of fileting the fishmen, he was routinely dominated. But I will say the evil scientists made good use of their label makers by neatly labeling every can of atomic waste dumped at the bottom of the ocean clearly and succinctly.

Fans of Sonny Chiba or old monster flicks may be disappointed by this film. The underwater installations, subs, and torpedoes were all well-crafted. If only as much attention had been paid to the acting and costumes. Even graded on a curve, Terror Beneath the Sea barely made a passing grade.

23 October 2024

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It's bananas!!!

What happens when you add the quirky 1970’s with one of Japan’s quirkiest directors? You get an insanely creative film like House. Obayashi Nobuhiko took old elements that go bump in the night and used surrealistic effects to create something new for the time. When Obayashi is in the driver’s seat, hold on because it is going to be one wild ride!

Seven school girls travel to spend some time with Gorgeous’ aunt in her huge mansion on a hill. Gorgeous, Fantasy, Professor, Mac, Kung Fu, Sweet, and Melody descend upon the old woman living in her cobweb infested house. One by one the girls go missing as more and more bizarre incidents begin to take place.

The film started out slow as the girls discussed their plans. Gorgeous discovered her dad was getting remarried which propelled her to make the fateful decision to visit her deceased mother’s sister. When the other girls’ plans fell through, they followed Gorgeous. The train and bus rides had almost picture book backgrounds that were obviously fake. Gorgeous told the sad story of her aunt’s lover being killed during WWII with her aunt vowing she would wait for him forever. The story was told in sepia form with the girls all being able to see it. It did not take long for the nightmare to begin once they crossed the mansion’s threshold. A scary old well, creepy clocks, dusty pianos, luminous chandeliers, a skeleton, and an abundance of cat pictures which might normally make the hair on a person’s neck raise took on deadly proportions as the night went on. Obayashi used the special effects of the day and created a few of his own. The special effects were primitive by today’s standards, but this was before George Lucas took effects a giant step forward with Star Wars. Strangely, as gruesome as some of the scenes were, many came across as grotesquely funny and rarely scary.

When Gorgeous was relating her aunt’s story, she and the other girls seemed almost unfamiliar with WWII and the terrible suffering associated with it. Only 30 years out from the war, the girls lived in a peaceful society completely unaware of the price paid for it. The aunt had been unable to let go of her loss and bitterness. Little by little she began to destroy the oblivious young people chaining them to her pain and insatiable hunger. The film turned on its head two common tropes---A man will save us! An adult will save them! This ravenous haunted house hidden in the fog under a full moon had no mercy on anyone.

House is a hard film to define. It was a horror film with a devilish sense of humor. Obayashi seemed to revel in creating a macabre world of the ghostly realm and the teenagers powerless against the inexorable pull of the inevitable. Experimental, weird, and totally bananas (sorry Togo!), House felt like a bad acid trip that shouldn’t have worked but did. Mostly. Screw black cats, I’ll never look at white cats the same.

15 October 2024
Trigger warnings: Dismemberment, so many body parts. Blood

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Lots of ghosts-no vampires

Mr. Vampire 3 left the hopping vampires behind and embraced ghosts, both the friendly and unfriendly kind, in this installment of the franchise. Lam Ching Ying’s vampire slayer was joined by a fellow Taoist played by Richard Ng. Stronger than the second film, it lagged behind the first for me.

Uncle Ming, a Taoist priest who utilizes two ghostly brothers to help him make money exorcising “haunted” houses finds himself in the middle of a skirmish between villagers and deadly horse thieves. Uncle Nine leads the villagers and figures out very quickly that the bandits who are impervious to weapons have had a heavy dose of black magic. Uncle Nine convinces Uncle Ming to release his ghosts, but they might just need them when the bandit’s leader, the Devil Lady, decides to seek revenge against the village.

Lam Ching Ying owned this role and despite this being his third outing as the unibrowed Taoist priest gave it his all. Richard Ng was a welcome addition as the Taoist priest who had fallen on hard times yet still had some magical chops. His relationship with the two friendly ghosts was one of the sweeter parts of the film. Pauline Wong, who played a ghost in the first film and a hopping vampire in the second, returned this time as the malevolent Devil Lady. What caused me to drop my rating for this film was the overuse of Billy Lau. As an antagonist with limited screen time in the first he accomplished his task. In the third installment his sycophantic, contemptible disciple of Uncle Nine grated on my nerves. I was rooting for the Devil Lady to tear him apart instead of his friend. Sammo Hung, Wu Ma, and Corey Yuen made guest appearances at a birthday party when they served up a “foreign moon cake” with candles.

This film had very little kung fu unlike the first, which was a shame. Lam Ching Ying in action is a sight to see although he did have a few cool moves in this film. Like the other films in this franchise, the wires were rarely edited out and I could see them in several scenes when the supernatural fights took place. There were rudimentary special effects for the ghostly battles and a deep-fried ghoul scene to top it off. Director Ricky Lau kept the action coming from start to finish.

Mr. Vampire 3 was entertaining for the most part and I enjoyed Richard Ng and his ghosts, though I could have used less of his bare behind. Lam Ching Ying and his twitchy brow were worth watching the film alone. If the writers and director had remembered to dial back the most annoying character it would have been far more enjoyable for me.

14 October 2024

***Trigger warnings: Cockroaches and bats***

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"I want to get that foreign fish fried!"

Lam Ching Ying and his unibrow returned to fight the undead in Vampire vs Vampire. This time he was aided by a Little Vampire, 2 inept disciples, and a fierce Mother Superior. He would be confronted not by hopping vampires, but a European vampire impervious to his magical talismans.

Disciples Ho and Fong disturb a palm ghost and attract her attention. Master Unibrow helps them out but now the ghost will not leave them alone. The two have to find her body so that she can be properly buried. Meanwhile, Master Unibrow is helping the village leader who is having a feng shui problem with the land. Master Unibrow shows him where to dig a well for better water and fortunes. Unfortunately, bats move the marker and workers dig in the wrong spot the next day. During these misadventures a handful of nuns are attempting to rebuild their church. The local captain vows to burn the church down but the nuns are persistent. When the well workers begin digging they find more than artifacts, unbeknownst to them they uncover a European vampire staked in the heart by a cross with a giant ruby in it. The greedy captain and his girlfriend awaken the beast when they try to steal the ruby. Master Unibrow has his hands full when trying to dispatch this new foe.

Vampire vs Vampire was a similar set-up to Mr. Vampire (1985). Lam Ching Ying was once again the adult in the room and constantly helping everyone around them whether it was a bat infestation, blood sucking vampire, or distraught ghost. The casting of Chin Siu Ho promised a few acrobatic fights which he delivered on. Lam Ching Ying who also directed the movie was able to get his kung fu on as well much to my delight. Sandra Ng played the self-absorbed girlfriend who was bitten by the vampire and was able to show a completely different side of her acting. Billy Lau who seemed to be in all of these movies played the character I most wanted to be blown up-the pompous captain. Lam Jing Wang brought the adorable to his Little Vampire, a character familiar to those who watched Mr. Vampire 2 even though it was set in the future. With these movies, logic was never a consideration.

Vampire vs Vampire had plenty of slapstick comedy for those who like it, I’m not one who does. There was low budget special effects and once again I spotted wires in various shots when characters went airborne or amphibians. But the film had a few tense moments when the bats attacked the sisters, maybe because bats* freak me out. The European vampire was scarily funny yet also a good opponent for Master Unibrow. The Dracula wannabe became more gruesome looking as the fights went on. Master Unibrow had to think outside the box to bring down the fanged baddie. Fortunately for him, the sisters were willing to help as well as his incompetent disciples and his cute TNT carrying Little Vampire. If you enjoyed Mr. Vampire, this is one you might want to give a try. (Rated on a curve)

14 October 2024

Trigger warnings-bats and a snake

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The Kid from Kwang Tung starred Wong Yu, not exactly a household name even in kung fu circles. The story was a bit of a mess. What it lacked in star power and coherency it tried to make up with fists and kicks. With very little wire-fu the fights came early and often.

He Jia Yu is always getting into fights with brothers Wu De Bao and Wu De Zhi from a rival school. Also in town is Chen Xiaowei and her mother who are fleeing from Luo Yihu and his gang who are taking down schools and fighters. When Yihu comes to town the bodies start dropping. Jia Yu and friends will have to up their skills if they want to stay alive.

The first half of this film was slapstick comedy and pranks that began to wear thin. If not for the promise of hopping vampires I would have dropped it. There was a creative fight competition between a chicken and a centipede. Which eventually led to hopping vampire action on a bet later on. Hwang Jang Lee as Luo Yihu had a black cat and could power up when his eyes glowed green. I love watching Thunderleg in action. He didn’t need wires for his high-flying kicks. Wong Yu was quick and acrobatic, a good foil for the hard kicking baddie. Yen Shi Kwan as Yihu’s mentor was always dependable and had a strong fight with Hwang. Sharon Yeung’s fight choreography made use of her limberness, but she wasn’t believable as a lethal fighter. The final fight between Wong Yu and Hwang Jang Lee was quite creative. I’ve never seen incense used in that manner.

Kid from Kwang Tung was moderately entertaining, perhaps more so if you enjoy slapstick comedy. The comedy didn’t work for me, especially when the good guys kept getting brutally killed. What did work? Hwang Jang Lee was worth the price of admission. That and a half dozen hopping vampires. As always, rated on a curve for old kung fu flicks.

11 October 2024

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Oh, what a web we weave, when first we practice to deceive or ... blow people up

The Web of Death was a Shaw Brothers fantasy and action fueled story with special effects revolving around a spider that could shoot the rainbow out of its spinning hole and create colorful explosive and poisonous webs. In 1976 the creators may have expected the audience to take this movie seriously but I laughed hysterically throughout it.

The 5 Venoms Wu Du Clan is holding a meeting regarding the big martial arts tournament to be held on the Wudang Mountain. Snake Clan Chief Liu Shen wants the Wu Du Chief to allow them to use the Five Venoms Spider to defeat their enemies. The chief refuses saying that if the wrong person got hold of the weapon the world could be threatened. Liu Shen starts the gossip that the weapon which has been hidden for 100 years is about to be found believing the good guys will find it for him. Sure enough, the Wudang Clan immediately sends Fei Ying Xiang out to see what the scoop is. He runs into a woman disguised as a man who tells him she might be able to find the spider for him. Turns out she’s the Wu Du Chief’s daughter. While she has nothing nefarious in mind, not everyone may believe that.

Yueh Hua played the righteous swordsman Fei Ying Xiang while Ching Li played Hong Susu, the deadly swordswoman from the “bad” clan. I know I was supposed to be invested in their Romeo and Juliet romance but it didn’t really pull me in. This film was packed with Shaw Brother favorites. Lo Lieh was the duplicitous Liu Shen-always a delight to see. Ku Feng took on the role of a “good” clan leader while Wang Hsieh gave one of his more sympathetic performances as the “bad” clan leader.

The special effects were low budget 1970’s fare, but there were plenty of them. Sparkling lights, smoke, fire, fireworks, and colored lights. There were hidden traps, acid baths, and poison everywhere. The spider spewing out smoke and lights was a chef's kiss of cheesy effects. And this tarantula could also make elephant trumpet calls while standing on his hind legs. The sets were decked out like a Halloween spider fun house. I’m not an arachnophobe, but I also don’t like seeing them. These decorations looked like something a grade school came up with so were not scary to me at all. There were only a couple of shots of a real tarantula (surrounded in rainbow light) for anyone who needs to know for trigger warnings.

Very little time elapsed between fights or traps. Trampolines, wires, and reverse shots were all utilized in the place of serious martial arts, but the fights were still fun to watch as people fought on fire or dodging fireworks. Whoever doubled for Ching Li was quite acrobatic, flipping and twisting around her enemies.

As I was watching this movie, my first thought, after laughing about the “chase the rainbow” spider, was that I’ve seen this story before. Turns out it was a reworking of Cheng Pei Pei’s The Thundering Sword. Maybe this time the doomed love would turn out better and the good guys wouldn’t be close-minded jerks. Or maybe not.

The Web of Death is really only for fans of old kung fu movies or people who enjoy cheesy special effects. Turns out I love both and had a blast watching this fun house of horrors. As always, I grade old niche films on a curve.

10 October 2024

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I wanted to hop away from this one

Aside from also starring Lam Ching Ying and featuring hopping vampires, Mr. Vampire 2 had little to do with the original Mr. Vampire. Mr. Vampire 2 seemed to think if 2 Idiot assistants were good in the first film, 3 or more would be even better. The relentless slapstick comedy dragged this movie down for me.

Grave robbers come across 3 Jiangshi in a cave and take them back to their lab. They believe the hopping vampires will fetch a good price. In the process of transporting the little boy vampire, his talisman comes loose and he escapes. A little girl finds him and makes friends with him. The mother and father vampires are set loose first by Idiot #1 and then again with Idiot #3. “Hilarity” ensues.

The humor in this film didn’t work for me. Wanting to molest a frozen female vampire wasn’t humorous to me. A snake going up Idiot #1’s pants or Idiot #2 keeping a frog in his mouth didn’t tickle my funny bone. And once again a snake was killed, this time its heart was eaten by Idiot #2 as a tonic. Idiot #3 tried to convince Lam Ching Ying to let him marry his daughter by telling him he was already banging her. Who does that? How many times could people stupidly free the vampires while hamming it up for the camera? Each “hilarious” fight took around 10 minutes. Another thing that took away from my enjoyment was the terrible dubbing for the children. The little boy vampire was cute and because he couldn’t talk, didn’t have the bad dubbing by an adult. Despite the cute little vampire and the children taking him with them on outings, this shouldn’t be mistaken for a children’s show though it felt like they were trying to lean in that direction.

The best part of this film was Lam Ching Ying and his unibrow who appeared to be the only adult in the room. Moon Lee who was featured in the first film had a couple of small scenes in this sequel. Wu Ma made a brief appearance as a neighbor. James Tien who played in many kung fu movies showed up as an inept police captain. The three trouble-makers had me rooting for the hoppers who were far less annoying. The only other bright spot was when Lam Ching Ying’s character rattled off his credentials, such as---his master Sammo had Spooky Encounters and Lam had caught a Mr. Vampire last year. Speaking of Sammo, I missed the kung fu that took place in Mr. Vampire (1985).

Mr. Vampire 2 had possibilities by being set in the then present 1986. If you enjoy Hong Kong slapstick comedy you will likely enjoy this film far more than I did. I won’t be crypt-ic, there was nothing I could sink my teeth into and enjoy.

6 October 2024

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Wasn't electrifying

Whether watched under the title Frankenstein Conquers the World or Frankenstein vs Baragon, this movie was a letdown on both counts. I enjoyed War of the Gargantuans, the loose sequel to this film and had higher hopes for the origin story. All the scenes of decimated animals had me wanting to bolt for the door.

During the last days of WWII a German mad scientist’s work is taken by the Nazis and delivered to the Japanese via submarine. An equally mad Japanese scientist in Hiroshima looks at the indestructible beating heart and envisions an invincible army of soldiers who cannot be killed. As luck would have it, as they were doing their experiments, it turned out to be the disastrous day of August 6, 1945. Fifteen years later scientists come across a feral boy who is eating people’s cats and dogs and bunny rabbits. He’s eventually captured and after some research is believed to be a Frankenstein. With an oversized brow, a terrible wig, gapped teeth, and unable to communicate he continues to grow the more protein he is fed. Meanwhile, an earthquake, unbeknownst to the citizens, is actually Baragon burrowing and causing havoc.

A feral boy who continues to grow until he’s over three stories tall and a giant burrowing kaiju with a glowing horn ought to make for an electrifying movie. Alas, most of the film was as dull as dirt until the last 15 minutes or so. The scientists continually waffled back and forth whether Frankenstein should be or could be killed. Most believed he wasn’t human so it didn’t matter how they treated him when he was shackled and caged. This could have led to an interesting moral discussion but they were unable to piece together a workable body of logic.

The miniatures for the most part were skillfully done. The trees being thrown had roots to good effect. The boar on wheels and puppet horse were funny because they were so unrealistic and made the scenes less problematic. Although I did not need to see a dismembered rabbit. The overlays worked for the most part when Baragon blasted through a dance party.

These are the hardest films to review because Frankenstein Conquers the World wasn’t awful but it wasn’t very good either. It was an interesting origin story for War of the Gargantuans but didn't reanimate the genre. Baragon would be seen again in 1968’s Destroy All Monsters and the mouthful of a title Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidorah-Giant Monsters All Out Attack in 2001. The latter was the best out of all the movies mentioned here. There were parts of an interesting story and the final fights were good (make sure to watch the international version which has an additional kaiju), it just wasn’t stitched together well as a whole. The writers could have used a hand but sadly it crawled off.

5 October 2024

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