Frothy buddy assassin movie

Hitman was a light-hearted assassin movie with a high body count. A strange combination, but it worked for the most part. Jet Li was in his prime and though there was wire-work, there was also plenty of fast kung fu action.

Fu is working for a low rent gangster and applying for hitman work. The only problem? He has too kind a heart. But he’s also desperate for money. When he hears about a job that will pay handsomely for hunting down a wealthy man’s assassin, he attends the funeral of the shady Japanese businessman hoping to get hired. Petty conman Nor Lo sees Fu in action when he disables security at the funeral and takes him on as a client. Also at the funeral is Eiji, the dead man’s grandson. We know Eiji is dangerous because he usurps control of the company when he eats grandpa’s ashes in front of his father. He wants revenge and the reward. A who’s who of scuzzbag assassins are all on the hunt for the King of Killers and willing to eliminate anyone who might beat them to the prize.

Much of the acting was average. The story had some holes to the murder mystery and identity of the King of Killers. The momentum would occasionally fizzle out. The writers ham fistedly threw in an adult daughter, played by Gigi Leung, to humanize the selfish Nor Lo and maybe for a hint of romance for Fu. Even with the limitations, Jet Li and Eric Tsang had a nice buddy hitman vibe. Sato Keiji as Eiji provided the ruthless opposition for the duo despite his motivations being nebulous. Simon Yam as Officer Chan played the mysterious officer with a twinkle in his eye. Kim Yip had the pivotal role as the greedy but somewhat even-handed revenge fund officer.

With well-choreographed action and Jet Li in his prime, the fights were quite entertaining. Fu had a fight with a grenade carrying priest and a giant with disorienting laser rings all while trying to safely wheel an old man out of an apartment complex (if only we had a wheelbarrow!). An elevator fight was also exciting as well as the finale when a surprise guest showed up.

Hitman showcased a hitman that would rather be playing with children, had light comedy that didn’t veer into slapstick, heartwarming moments, and a few exhilarating fights. Nothing too memorable but not a bad way to spend 90 minutes if you are a Jet Li fan or need a break from darker martial arts flicks.

16 March 2024

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In the Line of Duty 4 kept the action rolling from beginning to end. Cynthia Khan returned for the fourth installment of the franchise made popular by Michelle Yeoh. Khan was joined by Donnie Yen, Yuen Yat Choh, and Michael Wong.

Luk Wan Ting is a dock worker in Seattle. A mortally wounded police officer hands him a roll of film before he dies. Now Luk is being hunted by the bad guys and considered a cop killer by the good guys. Inspector Rachel Yeung doesn’t think he’s guilty though Capt. Donnie Yan is less flexible. CIA officer Michael Wong is determined to have Luk extradited to Hong Kong. The attacks on Luk are non-stop for a nice guy who just wants to see his mom and be done with all of the cloak and dagger danger and trickery. Rachel has to figure out how to keep him alive and who is the mole betraying them at every turn.

This entry in the franchise is one of my favorites. Khan and Yen had an appealing chemistry in their push-pull professional relationship that thankfully didn’t veer off into romance. For the most part there was no idiotic comic relief character which was a huge relief for me as well. Yuen Yat Choh, in what became his final movie, was a sympathetic character who was dedicated to his mother. Michael Wong’s performance as the duplicitous CIA agent wasn’t particularly strong.

What made this movie entertaining for me, aside from the acting rapport, were the numerous well-choreographed fights. Yuen Woo Ping and his brother Shun Yee resisted the wire-fu for the most part and relied on their actors’ athletic abilities and flexibility. Cynthia moved believably against the various foes she faced and delivered some punishing kicks. A young Donnie Yen had no problem reaching kicking heights all by himself. And Yat Choh was another of the Yuen clan who knew how to sell a fight. No wires didn’t mean characters weren’t left dangling on several occasions or even falling to their deaths. Gravity is a harsh mistress. Cynthia had an exhilarating ordeal on top of, on the sides of, and on the grill of an ambulance. Donnie faced real life martial artist Michael Woods in a brutal fight on a rooftop and jousting on motorcycles with ax and shovel.

The story had some narrative gaps and not all of the acting was strong, but for the most part the story held together by the relationships of the characters. The fights were fast, exciting and creative, all that any martial arts movie enthusiast could want.

14 March 2024

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"I'm old, but I'm not dead yet!"

The Comeback is an old school violent film with old school actors. Even the young guy, Andy On, was pushing 50! Best not to look too closely at the uneven script and just enjoy it for the mindless action film it was.

Mr. Hua runs an antique shop on an old street and takes care of everyone. He’s especially close to Sister Zhen who works at the orphanage and one of her charges, Xiaoye. Officer Qiang looks up to him and has his back whenever he needs it. Hua dutifully brings homeless Old Cao who lives in his vehicle food every day. A gang wants to demolish the street for developers and has been intimidating people into signing away their property. But these guys are pesky demons compared to the devils coming to town. Hua who has suffered from amnesia the last three years has forgotten his previous profession and the reason he has 21 scars on his body and a nail in his brain. The bad guys are going to be in trouble when he remembers his particular skill set.

The story took too long to gain traction, especially since the audience already knew what caused Hua’s amnesia. The gang who wanted to demolish the neighborhood wasn’t set up very well either. Suddenly, the big bads arrived, relegating the gang to the back burner as they began kicking up the body count in search of a USB. Numerous cops moved in on Officer Qiang’s territory convinced Hua was the prime suspect for something and then everything. Because of the amnesia trope there were also numerous flashbacks. A simple story was made more complicated than it needed to be. Regardless, Simon Yam and Yuen Wah working together was a delight. Simon at 68 and Yuen at 73 showed how old school charisma can cover over a multitude of sins. Sixty-eight-year-old Norman Chu also made an appearance. Andy On conveyed enough menace to be a proper traitorous villain.

The Comeback provided plenty of things that go bang in the night---weaponized drones, guns, bombs, missiles, and a weaponized motorcycle. I was happy to see Yuen Wah have a short fight scene. He was one of the more skilled martial arts experts in old kung fu films. They worked around Simon’s age in a couple of different ways during his hand-to-hand encounters which worked fairly well.

As uneven as the writing was, The Comeback was entertaining and had some heart. It didn’t offer anything unique but it served up a heaping helping of action scenes showcasing older actors aging to perfection.

12 March 2024

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"Everything comes with a price"

Soul of the Sword is one of those films that did not appeal to me on several levels. Ti Lung was at the height of his career as the Nameless swordsman whose only desire was to kill The King of Swords and take his place. The problem being none of the characters were likeable and my only desire was that they would all meet a gruesome death.

A young boy sees a man and a woman being carried out of the prince’s palace to be buried. The King of Swords had killed the young swordsman and his lover had killed herself. The boy determined that one day he would be a great swordsman and claim the title. Ten years in the future he proceeds to cut down other swordsmen, monks, swordswomen, anyone with a title on his way to the palace. After fighting his way through the royal guards, the prince tells Nameless that Lu Tien Kang is out of town but that he can fight him when he returns. Nameless keeps seeing visions of the young woman who killed herself. He also makes friends with an amiable old doctor. When Nameless sees a woman who looks like the woman in his visions, he determines to have her, with or without her consent. This upsets Mr. Yan who loves He Lian. While waiting for Lu, Nameless is challenged by numerous fighters, most are killed except for those willing to slink away.

Nameless was no hero or even anti-hero. He was amoral, a rapist, and a murderer. The fact the writers mansplained the rape away only made it worse. Ku Feng made the doctor Zhao Yi a wise friend to have until his dark intentions were revealed. Ku is one of my favorite character actors from kung fu movies and he helped make this movie a little easier to swallow. The dialogue often praised reprehensible behavior as something to be admired because of the dedication to one’s self and skill. Everyone took for granted that cutting your way to the top was an honorable pursuit. During and after some fights there were plenty of gratuitous bare breasts and sex as a weapon scenes.

Fight choreographer Tang Chia’s sword fights were good for the time. Nothing was too fast, but came across fairly fluid. I usually enjoy watching Ti Lung in battle mode but Nameless was a despicable character and I waited for him to get his comeuppance. Even then the lesson Nameless learned was still all about himself despite the horrific harm he caused.

“Will you regret that what you lost is actually more than what you gained?”

The film may have had nice sets, costumes, and a strong cast, but it lacked heart. Instead of finding the fight scenes exhilarating, they left me cold. Yes, there was the lonely lesson about cold steel having no mercy and that those who lived by the sword had to be utterly ruthless and prepared to die by the sword and could afford no emotional baggage. That violence and self-centeredness bled over into other aspects of their lives. Which left the movie with just a bunch of vicious killers leaving bodies in their wake. The sharpest weapon to pierce Nameless was when he learned the old adage, “Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.”

12 March 2024

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"You have a lot of courage to show up here!"

The Vengeful Beauty was a surprisingly entertaining martial arts film from 1978. Shaw Brothers movies could go either way during this time frame. Chen Ping more than held her own with the boys—Lo Lieh, Yueh Hua, Norman Chu, and Johnny Wang. Her character was pregnant and she still suffered no fools with a sword!

Emperor Yong Zheng pretended to be a friend to the people all the while he was having ethical officials executed by the Flying Guillotines. And in a clear sign of tyranny, he orchestrated book burnings and the executions of anyone who wrote anything remotely critical about the imperial court. Rong Qiu Yan’s husband ran afoul of the emperor and while she was away honoring her deceased martial arts master with her junior, Wang Jun, Jin Gang Feng sent the Flying Guillotines to her house and eliminated everyone. On the run to protect the child she was carrying she came across Ma Sen working at an inn. Brother Ma was also on the run as he had been a Flying Guillotine but could no longer stomach the murder of innocents. He joined her as well as Wang Jun when Jin sent his lethal children after them.

Qiu Yan was smart and could take care of herself. Chen Ping brought a nice depth of emotion to the vengeful and pregnant heroine battling assassins. After one bit part in the original Guillotine film and his scenes cut in the second, it was good to see Norman Chu in a leading role as an ex-Flying Guillotine. He had to endure an atrocious wig in order to do it though. I almost didn’t recognize him because he looked so young—no wonder, he was only 23 at the time! Lo Lieh in a gray wig played the leader of the Flying Guillotines. He gave a strong performance as a father whose children were eliminated one by one.

The sword fighting was average for the time frame, a lot of swipe and falls, but still fun to watch. The flying guillotine, one of the strangest of kung fu weapons, made a couple of appearances in this a loose sequel. There was some wire work and reverse filming, nothing over the top and edited fairly seamlessly into the fight scenes. One fight included a topless Susan Yam Yam Shaw which weirdly didn’t feel too gratuitous. There was also a battle high in the bamboo long before Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and The House of Flying Daggers.

The Vengeful Beauty benefited from a well written story by Szeto On. There was no shortage of vengeance and deaths, yet this story didn’t feel like it was hastily sewn together with tropes from a hundred other kung fu films. Most importantly to me, Szeto let the heroine struggle and shine. Qiu Yan was fierce and vulnerable. Kung fu movies would soon be taken over by mostly male casts, so every competent female warrior feels like finding a gem.

7 March 2024

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"You've just been taking everything for granted"

Death’s Game at first glance appears to be a simple repudiation of suicide. Death’s thin skin takes it personally when Choi Yi Jae said he wasn't afraid of her and as she says, “You are guilty of coming to find me before I came to find you.” At second or even seventh glance as Choi is doomed to be reincarnated into 12 lives on the cusp of death, a grander scheme begins to reveal itself.

Choi Yi Jae was having a bad week, preceded by a tough seven years. When he made the ill-fated decision to jump from a roof he found out just how bad things could get when he met a disgruntled Death who decided to teach him a lesson by having him reincarnate into 12 different lives at the end of their span. Some of the lives were over in a blink, others were further developed. Each reincarnation showed how other lives were suffering or prematurely cut off. They also showed how his own limited thinking and actions led to fateful outcomes. Choi’s myopic vision never let him see how his actions affected others or the dangers lurking about him. I’m looking forward to his growth as a character in the next four episodes.

I had not perused the cast list and was shocked at how many famous faces appeared in Choi’s different lives. These actors weren’t phoning it in either, they gave performances worthy of their own characters’ dramas. It will be interesting to watch Choi finally begin to pull together the different experiences to comprehend what he needs to learn to save his life and afterlife. He’s going to have to move past being cocky and self-absorbed if he wants to win Death’s Game. He’s finding that “wherever you go, there you are.” And I’m not sure the reason for the game is the one he thinks it is. As Choi and the audience come to see how at least some of the lives are interconnected, the goal posts may be moving in regards to what his motivations will be. Admittedly, a few of the revelations were not shocking and I was waiting on them to finally be shown. There was one that should have been a tear jerker or shocking but when it happened, I burst out laughing in the way it was overplayed. For the most part, the short life experiences were moving and effective.

Death's Game is one of those thrillers that felt more like a shell game. Nothing was quite what it seemed and I don't think the real meaning of the episodes or even his death will be fully understood until the second half plays out in January 2024. I hope the next four episodes are as tightly written and as well acted as the first four.

28 December 2023

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Lady of Steel was the first of two Shaw Brothers films Cheng Pei Pei made in 1970. While Pei Pei shone like a jewel the action and story were rather lackluster.

Fang Ning and Chao Hsiung stop at an inn on their way to delivering one million taels of silver to flood victims. The nefarious bandit Han Shi Xiong not only robs them but murders Fang and his family. Chao manages to escape with the youngest Fang daughter. After he dies in the woods, Priest Xuan Zhen takes Ying Qi in and teaches her martial arts. This was before the invention of the training montage which means Ying Qi ages in a matter of seconds and has also become an accomplished swordswoman. She desires revenge against Han but first she’ll have to deal with the Jins who have invaded. On the way to the Flying Dragon Fortress with her letter of introduction she ends up in a fight with a beggar clan who is threatening Wei Tong Ming. She jumps to his defense not knowing he was in league with Han. This pits her against the Beggar leader until she realizes he is the good guy and Wei is the bad guy. Wei also discovers her secret and tells Han who is now called Cai Yi and is duplicitously working with the righteous leader of the Flying Dragon Fortress! From there Ying Qi must face double crosses, multiple ambushes, and wear several disguises until she finally uncovers the truth and acts on her revenge.

Cheng Pei Pei had the opportunity to show off some of her acting skills as she dealt with treachery and took on several different personas. Yueh Hua was a supporting character who only showed up briefly when Ying Qi needed him. Huang Tsung Hsun and Lee Wan Chung made for devious villains. The standard revenge plot was thin and redundant more often than not. Although there were many fights, for the most part they were rather dull. They used the swipe and fall style of choreography with the assistance of some wire work. Cheng Pei Pei and Yueh Hua had a flirty fight in the beginning. Her fight with Lee Wan Chung during a fireworks display had some colorful flashes as the fireworks wrote out “longevity.” There were a few moments of inventiveness in the finale, but even those times were few.

Through no fault of Cheng Pei Pei’s, Lady of Steel wasn’t bad, it was just the kind of lukewarm film I’ll forget very soon because it didn’t have anything memorable going for it. Her next film, Brothers Five, had well choreographed fights and more charismatic characters if you need a better Pei Pei film to watch.

13 Dec 2023

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No honor among thieves or kidnappers

Hostage: Missing Celebrity attempted to be an edgy kidnapping story using Hwang Jung Min to play himself as the victim. With uneven casting and an otherwise formulaic story it over relied on its star to create an intriguing film.

Hwang Jung Min played himself in the film which was a rather odd meta-angle. While his actual movies were mentioned, the character was clearly fictional. Hwang is shown as being humble, good to his employee, and shops just like the little people do at a convenience store. Upon leaving the store he finds three hooligans sitting on his expensive car and that is where his troubles begin. When he awakens tied to a chair, Hwang realizes that the kidnappers have not covered their faces which means they likely plan to kill him and another kidnap victim after they receive the ransoms. He puts his movie experience playing characters in precarious situations into action. Before long, the kidnappers come to understand that snatching someone famous puts more pressure on the police to find the missing movie star quickly and the countdown is sped up.

Hwang gave a superb performance as a wealthy actor who lived a comfortable life suddenly being thrust into a dire situation. He portrayed a wide range of emotions as the kidnappers delighted in physically and emotionally tormenting him. He also showed the character’s frustration and resiliency when he tried to escape and when those efforts failed, used the age-old ploy of turning the kidnappers against each other. Ban So Yeon played a young woman whose life was in the balance due to her kidnapped boss being brutally murdered and dismembered after failing to come up with their ransom. She gave Hwang an ally and someone to protect as well. The actress didn’t have much to do but look scared and stick close to Hwang. When using a familiar story formula, a captivating villain is a must. Unfortunately, Kim Jae Beom as the lead villain gave a rather lackluster performance as the murderous psychopath capable of almost anything. Ryu Kyung Soo and Lee Ho Jung weren’t afraid to chew on the scenery in their roles as villainous lovers. The police officers as well as the other villains were largely forgettable.

Though the running time was only 90 minutes it seemed longer as the story became redundant especially near the end. Most of the time those faults were often overcome by Hwang’s onscreen charisma and the rapid pace of the action. The film would have been greatly strengthened had Hwang been given an equally engaging actor to spar with. If the kidnappers had been driven to their cruelty by pertinent and timely social issues it would have added depth to the story, too. They were for the most part thinly drawn psychopaths who worked together in targeting expensive car owners. Hostage: Missing Celebrity for the most part was an entertaining if flawed movie that relied too heavily on its star to conceal the missing thriller aspect of this thriller.

11/23/23

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"One must earn like a dog and spend like a beast"

The Men of Plastic was a comedy about greedy men and women willing to scam patients and double-cross each other in order to get ahead. While the cast was strong, the storytelling was not.

Kang Dae Gook (Ma Dong Seok) is a hustler and facilitator in his neighborhood, closely affiliated with his old high school friend, gangster Cho Tae Chun. When he discovers Tae Chun meeting with an unlicensed plastic surgeon who does ghost surgeries, he takes the opportunity to make a business deal with Tae Chun and Park Ji Woo (Jung Kyung Ho), the surgeon. He enlists buddy Mi Jung (Oh Na Ra) and before long the crew is bringing in money hand over fist. In order to make some legal issues go away they end up approaching the sketchy Gyu Ok (Oh Yeon Seo) and doing business with her. It doesn’t take long for the scammers to get scammed.

I’m a big fan of Ma Dong Seok and enjoy watching Jung and Oh as well. Ma’s primary character trait was wearing loud shirts and mismatched hats and initially he sported a fiery pink-red hair dye. This was not one of Jung Kyung Ho’s stronger performances, largely due to his character’s cold, untrusting nature. A strong bromance would have helped this movie enormously but the two men never seemed to trust or like each other. Most of the characters were hard to feel anything sympathy for. The one bright spot was Oh Na Ra. She brought an effervescent energy badly needed when she was onscreen.

South Korea has the highest per capita amount of plastic surgery done in the world. Nearly 1 in 3 Koreans will have some work done on themselves often by the age of 21. The movie was set in 2007 and the team was encouraging medical tourism. As of July 2023 (post-pandemic lower numbers), around 82,000 foreigners visit Korea for various beauty treatments and surgeries. The fierce competition for clients was touched on with Ji Woo being the victim of a “surgical hit job”. There was no introspection or comedic rumination on why the waiting room was always filled with young women who felt the need to hand over large sums of money to improve their looks. This was strictly a by the book routine comedy.

Men of Plastic could well have described many of the characters as they were difficult to care about even when they were about to lose everything. At nearly 2 hours, this film dragged rather badly at times. If plastic surgery fascinates you or you are a fan of the cast you might want to check it out, but otherwise it’s one that can be skipped or as it will be soon in my case—forgotten.

11/18/23

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Eleven years after A Werewolf Boy premiered, I have finally gotten around to watching it. The story felt like a fusion of Harlequin romance and fairytale with a warning. While often predictable it was also enjoyable and addicting.

Kim Sun Yi along with her mother and sister move into a house in a remote rural area. Their landlord is the “slimeball”, Ji Tae. Not long after settling in Sun Yi discovers a feral young man hiding next to a shed. He wolfs down the food her mother gives him. Unlike so many rigid Korean mothers in dramas, open-hearted Ok Hui takes the stranger into their home. With 60,000 orphans from the war, it wasn’t a leap of imagination to think he had been abandoned and left to fend for himself. She gives him the name Cheol Su. Sun Yi takes it upon herself to train Cheol Su like a puppy with good results. “Wait” comes to mean many things as the story progresses. As Cheol becomes more civilized she begins to teach him to read and write. Ji Tae comes to resent Cheol Su’s protective nature whenever he attempts to put the moves on Sun Yi which leads to dire consequences and a bizarre wartime experimentation revelation.

I enjoyed Park Bo Young and Soon Joong Ki’s performances. It was refreshing to watch them when they acted freer and more natural than their more crystallized on brand performances in recent years. Jang Young Nam has great depth as an actress and it showed in this film, too. Yoo Yeon Seok was given the tough job of playing Ji Tae, a character with zero nuance and an animal far more dangerous than a wolf.

A Werewolf Boy was a chaste romantic coming of age tale set in a beautiful bucolic setting. Promises were kept and broken, something unavoidable on the road to adulthood. It veered in and out of fantasy, showing once again that the worst monsters are actually human beings.

10/27/23

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Royal rumble!

Kaiju Mono flipped Kaiju parodies on their head and then slammed them with a DDT. In the opening scenes, reports of violent weather, earthquakes, and volcanic eruptions were explained as Mother Nature not taking our BS anymore. Kaiju Mono came as a warning. Filled with sexual innuendo and a monster that hunted virgins of any sex, this film didn’t try to take itself seriously or make sense at any point. Somehow it also managed to be ridiculously funny even when it was completely inappropriate at times.

Kaiju Mono was an underground dweller who came to the surface when she needed snacks or to take her anger out on humans. Deep in the woods, two lab assistants came across a strange egg where a bizarre incident connected to Mono had just occurred. When the monster decided to go on a rampage and head toward Tokyo, Dr. Jotoro, a Sailor Moon cosplayer and scientist, developed a serum that would make his skinny lab assistant a giant, muscled Titan. Dr. Jotoro had also developed expandable briefs so that Nita wouldn’t have to wrestle nude, much to the chagrin of the ladies watching the downtown battle. Nita managed to drive Mono away and instantly became a celebrity, especially since his muscles remained after returning to normal size. When Mono once again stomped into town looking for her egg, she thrashed Nita, causing Dr. J to have to work on a new formula for him.

Nita had three different iterations, each bigger and badder and played by three different actors. The wrestling scenes were funny and fairly acrobatic for the limited space they fought in. The movie made fun of the military, protestors, industrial espionage, the fickleness of fame, and the news media. No one was immune to their zingers and Mono’s chomping. The film did show the benefit of older people when another hero emerged. As the movie explained for the non-Japanese audience, the original Ultraman made a guest appearance. The biggest drawback for me, other than some draggy moments in the middle, were a few gay and cross-dressing jokes that have not aged well.

“Will this lead to a glorious future or man’s extinction?” Kaiju Mono didn’t answer that question or any others, but it didn’t need to. Director Kawasaki playfully poked fun at Godzilla movie tropes and created some solid laughs throughout the film. This film isn’t for everyone, it helps if you enjoy Kaiju films, pro wrestling, and irreverent humor. Silly and never taking itself seriously, Kaiju Mono managed to not lay an egg.

10/24/23

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If you are feeling nostalgic for something akin to the Power Rangers or going further back, Sigmund the Sea Monster, Super Legend God Hikoza might be what you are looking for. It would also help if you are twelve-years-old or younger, you might not notice how bad the writing and acting for this film were.

Four scientists work for Dr. (Dr. what? They never mentioned his name, maybe it was Dr. Doctor) at the UISAS (Ultra Institute Space and Astronaut Science). Takao and Okubo are childhood friends who bicker nonstop largely because Takao berates him and hits him almost continuously. The other characters with the exception of Yoshiki find it charming. Yoshiki is in love with Takao and the new hire Yuria is in love with Yoshiki. It’s like a junior high school only less mature. When Takao knocks Okubo down at a temple, he falls on a 400 year old doll. While the two are fighting over it they are brought inside the doll just as an evil giant fish attacks. After beating the fish back, they go on to learn more about the god Hikoza whose remaining consciousness resides in the doll and his relationship to the friendly aliens called Godnes. Four centuries ago, the evil alien Shachihokon attacked and Hikoza managed to seal him until the present time when he was released and took over some poor guy with a bowl haircut. After defeating Catfish dude, the Bickersons become celebrities and go on the talk show circuit, make commercials and even guest star in a Kota/Power Rangers episode. But they are celebrating too early for Shachihokon has dirty tricks up his sleeve and the four scientists will have to grow up quickly to defeat him.

I thought maybe the date on the film was incorrect. This felt more like 1980’s television than a 2020 movie regardless of how tongue-in-cheek it might have been. The acting, sets, and writing were awful. Takao was particularly childish and a bully. The rest of the four were equally as childish, just not as physical. Shachihokon’s costume was pretty hilarious especially when he used his special tongue power. The catfish monster was reminiscent of Friend’s Hannukah Armadillo. Hikoza’s early costume looked like a trash can with arms and legs although the final Hikoza costume had a nice samurai effect.

This film was primitive looking and the big final battle felt more like an Afterschool Special on the value of communication and how to deal with your feelings. If you loved/love Power Rangers and are longing for something like it, this is definitely a film to try. If you are content to leave campy costumes and posing behind, best to avoid Super Legend God Hikoza.

10/21/23

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Korea's oldest surviving Kaiju movie

Space Monster Wangmagwi is the oldest surviving Korean Kaiju film. It also boasts one of the largest cast of extras for any film coming in around 160,000. The Koreans put their own stamp on a rampaging monster tearing up a capital city while the military watches powerlessly genre.

Bride-to-be Ahn Hee and pilot Jeong Hwan are celebrating the eve of their long-awaited wedding when Jeong Hwan is called back to his base. What everyone is about to find out is that aliens are orbiting the Earth and have unleashed a monster in their quest to conquer the planet. Even with people running around screaming and abandoning her wedding day, Ahn Hee dresses for her event, even having her hair done until the stylist scurries away. When she realizes no one is coming, not even the groom, she and her mother decide to leave as the monster slowly approaches them. Each one took turns falling down over and over again, in order to give the ugliest Kaiju in Kaiju history time to catch up. Ahn Hee is grabbed by the monster a la Fay Wray in King Kong style. A young street boy named Squirrel, who has stolen food and a knife from a deserted house decides to run up the monster instead of running away. The boy takes matters into his own hands and does more good in thwarting the aliens’ objectives than the military and civilian forces combined.

Space Monster Wangmagwi was quintessentially Korean. Instead of focusing on a handful of characters directly involved with stopping a monster, SPW had a series of vignettes that had nothing to do with saving the world. Some of the things you would never see in a Japanese Kaiju film included—a long pooping scenario, several instances of theft, child birthing, and two idiots betting about different things during the catastrophe and wagering everything including one man’s wife. There were also copious amounts of tears.

The building miniatures were exquisite as was the rubble, looking far more believable than some of the cardboard towns Toho was using at this time. I thought at first they were using forced perspective or some other film magic and then the monster would lean against one of the buildings or start tearing it down. Very impressive work. Too bad they didn’t put the same care into the monster suit. I didn’t think anything could top the moth-eaten Kong suit in King Kong vs Godzilla (1962), then Wangmagwi said, “Hold my beer.” The costume looked like a flight suit covered in cow dung, I hate to be crude but that’s the first thought that came to my mind. Wangmagwi also seemed to forget that he was holding a human in one hand when he was beating on buildings. The Gamma aliens weren’t much better, they wore what appeared to be dented gold buckets on their heads. And when the spaceship was flying the wires showed as it wobbled. The science was bizarre. Due to different gravity from the home world, the monster grew 500 times his size when dumped on Earth. Setting aside the absurdity of that “science,” wouldn’t the aliens have become gigantic as well, making settling the planet awkward?

My favorite part of the movie would usually be my least favorite. There have been many Gamera movies where I hoped the giant turtle would snack on an annoying child. Squirrel may have been cocky but he was cleverly proactive. The precocious thief’s actions, and not the military, saved the day. His maneuvers also pointed out how slow-witted the aliens were. The aliens only fear of the military was that they would trash the neighborhood and leave the planet uninhabitable for the conquerors.

I enjoyed having the chance to watch this film that was largely unavailable for decades. I might not have relished the poop and wife betting comedy, but I was happy to see this piece of Korea’s Kaiju film history.

10/19/23

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"Keep the peace, have patience, forgive an offense" and watch out for those hopping vampires!

Carter Wong took on The 8 Masters, bronze men, as well as a room full of hopping vampires. What more could you ask for in a kung fu flick?

When his father is killed by the 8 Masters, young Chu Shiao Chieh is rushed to a Shaolin temple by his father’s dying friend, Chou. The monks take Chu in and teach him the art of kung fu. When he matures, he is tested by deadly traps and the notorious bronze men. After passing the tests he is released into the world to pay his debt to Chou’s family for the sacrifice he made. The wise monk admonishes him to, “Keep the peace, have patience, forgive an offense.” When Chu returns home, he finds that his mother is blind and Chou’s daughter is living with his mother. Chu doesn’t even have time to unpack his suitcase before the 8 come calling, all wanting a duel to settle their debts with his father. How long can he hold out before granting their demands?

Carter Wong was never a great actor, but he was fun to watch and not too stiff in this role. The movie started out promising with kung fu training and the fights during his Shaolin trials. Once he left the temple the energy dropped precipitously. Watching him beaten and refusing to fight repeatedly until tragedy struck became tiresome. When he finally took on the 8 Masters one at a time during the last 30 minutes the movie picked up again. He battled Phillip Ko Fei, Lu Ping, hopping vampires, and Chia Ling to name a few. Chia’s character held a secret, key to the movie as did Doris Lung Erh’s. I gave the movie a .5 bump for the cast and the hopping vampires.

Director Joseph Kuo filmed much of the first half of the movie in night scenes making it hard to see what was happening. When Chu finally relented and took on the masters, viewers were given a scenic tour of the area-a mountaintop, the beach, a river, and forest. The version I watched was cropped and dubbed, none of which was the filmmaker’s fault. When movies have been cropped, dubbing is sometimes a necessary evil as the subtitles tend to run off the screen.

The fights used a variety of weapons even when Chu took on everyone without one. There were times with the camera zoomed in too close and the fights undercranked, the action was blurred and the moves obscured. I much preferred when the scenes played out where the different styles could be observed.

The 8 Masters would have been a much better film if Kuo could have kept the pacing up throughout the story instead of bringing it to a screeching halt in the middle. Despite the lull, it was nice to have a loving mother-son story, a rarity in kung fu flicks. And if nothing else, there were bronze men and hopping vampires to shake things up.

10/16/23

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Varan was a patchwork monster of a movie. Production was originally for a 3-part co-produced limited television series. When the American production company involved fell apart, Toho decided to make it into a feature movie. With a shoestring budget, filmed in black and white for television (no color sets yet!), and utilizing stock Godzilla and Godzilla Raids Again! footage, Varan struggled to cut an identity of his own.

Siberian butterflies are discovered in a remote Japanese mountain village which causes a research professor to send two of his scholars to investigate. What they find is something far bigger. When they don’t return, a new team is dispatched. The team berates the local villagers who worship the mountain god Baradagi, calling them superstitious. Before the village priest can say, “don’t get so cocky city boy,” the superstition comes to life and begins terrorizing the team and villagers. The monster dubbed Varan flies off, meaning Tokyo may once again be in the sights of a cranky Kaiju.

Varan had real potential. Like Triphibious, he could walk on land, live under the water, and fly in the air. The costume was cool and Nakajima Haruo who brought many a Kaiju to life, including Gojira, knew how to make a monster movie. His assistant, Tezuka Katsumi, was also given credit. The story let the big monster down, with Varan often treading water or sitting on the bottom of the bay which didn’t feel very threatening. More time was given to the ships, planes, and tanks than Varan. Many of those scenes were from Godzilla Raids Again, especially the tanks at the airport firefight. The editing wasn’t as seamless as you would expect from a Honda movie but given the circumstances, he did the best with what he had. Ifukube Akira wrote the music and it had the commanding monster marches he was known for. The writers did come up with a creative way to dispatch the One Movie Wonder though it’s said Nakajima suffered burns from it during the filming.

This is where I need to bring up the American version. It features Myron Healey and only uses 15 minutes of the original film with a different story about desalinization attached. You might find it billed as Varan the Unbelievable.

Varan felt too much like a re-tread of Gojira and this Kaiju needed his own unique story. Big G can do many things but he can’t fly, okay only that one time. For fans of guys in rubber suits Kaiju films, it is one to check out to see what Honda Ishiro could do when handed a mess of movie ingredients. As always, I grade these old niche movies on a curve.

10/13/23

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