A lustrously gorgeous story, quiet and told in glances and body language and silences as much as it is told in words.

The realities upon which this series shines light are all too real, raw and heartbreaking. Each character tells their own part of the story and how decisions of one person weaves into the lives of those around them. We have a story about how the force of one person can impact another and how the mores of society can be a detriment for some.

Mol is someone whose personality is almost like a force of nature. She is loud to cover her loneliness. She is bright and personable so no one notices the cracks leaking her sadness everywhere she goes. However, she is also the epitome of the parent who wants the best for their child without listening to their child. This is the parent who loves you without actually loving you because to love a person is to accept and embrace who they truly are. This is a parent who “does everything for” their child, yet makes everything about themselves.

She is selfish and self-centered. She wanted a man and made him hers, only to refuse to see the truth: that he was closeted and in love with his best friend. She wants to be the center of her son’s world. She will not give him up because she needs him to fill a void in her that a child should not be asked to fill for their parent. She will not listen to what her child actually wants, too busy wanting the happiness she has decided will make him happy. Even at the end of the last episode, she is talking all about herself while he cries quietly in the passenger seat beside her.

Mol is an abusive parent and a narcissist (and I mean this in the clinical sense not the colloquial sense). While there are times she evokes sympathy, she is ultimately the detriment to the happiness of three people. All to center herself and her wants.

In is the heartbreaking illustration of what internalized homophobia does to a person. He avoids, as long as possible, to admit the truth. In fact, even by the end of the last episode he had never voiced his love for either of the men he has loved. He won’t even bring himself to voice the fact that Siam loved him. He skirts around it, speaking of it only to Wang without stating it outright. It is ultimately up to Wang to put words to what In wants to leave in the silence.

We also see the effect others have on someone who has internalized the deep shame of loving someone of the same gender of themselves. He lives with regret, blaming himself indirectly for Siam’s death (though I’d argue he probably should blame himself more directly, as should Mol), but we never hear him state a wish to have done things differently. He clings so hard to the idea that he did what he thought was right, what would make everyone (except himself) happy. Not only could he not accept the love of a man he loved in return, not only could he not give that man the love he had for him, but he cannot admit to himself that their own happiness could have saved Siam’s life.

Watching In open up to Wang as he relays stories of the man he loved is breathtakingly beautiful. You watch his walls thin and lower, though they never disappear. He’s filled with an agonizing, all-consuming fear. But you watch that fear get quieter when it’s just the two men. When the only thing in his world is himself and Wang, who gently but fearlessly moves forward. And you watch it all crumble because of the guilt and shame he carries regarding Siam and Mol when she asserts her will and manipulates his emotions to give her what she wants. It’s clear, to me, that while he was not prepared to declare his love prior to that conversation, he WAS prepared to accept Wang into his life and build something with him as Wang desired.

Wang…beautiful, brave Wang. It’s impossible to not adore this character. He is caught between grief for his father and exhaustion from his mother when we meet him. It is clear he is the emotional caretaker of his mother who has a codependent relationship to him. However it’s also clear he wishes to escape her, to not be responsible for her happiness and be allowed to find his own.

He is relentless in pursuit of answers. You can tell early on what he suspects and knows but isn’t saying. He isn’t pushing people to give him the information he craves but rather gently leads them to disclosing it bit by bit. He’s headstrong and passionate but I don’t think he’s idealistic. He knows the darkness that lurks in the world for someone like him (queer folks). He isn’t ignorant to it but he learns, as he falls in love, to be undaunted by it, to refuse to allow it to steer his life.

We see Wang falling in love before he even realizes himself that’s what is happening. The magnetic draw In has on him is captivating to watch just as much as In captivates him. He is admirable in his willingness to stand and fight for the love he has for In even when In isn’t willing to fight beside him. He is thoughtful and careful in ways he doesn’t even notice.

What is more heartbreaking than In deciding he should leave is Wang seeming to fall back into role of Mol’s protector, caretaker and babysitter. When he tells In that she’s done nothing wrong for wanting him to be happy and it isn’t fair for her to lose (if he decided to refuse to leave so he could win) it feels like the abuse cycle is starting over, the victim of the abuse giving into the path of least resistance. Watching him cry silently as they drive home while his mother centers herself in her one-sided conversation once more was more heartbreaking than the scene with In the night before.

While one could nitpick little things that are not spelled out but generally assumed (i.e. the “coincidence of them ending up there, for example), those things do not make this story any less to me. The soundtrack and cinematography complement the emotions of the story so well. (I’m in love with the color palette.)

I think Mol could be genuinely triggering for people who have suffered from a narcissistic parent or similar types of emotional abuse from a parent. Her reaction to Wang disclosing he’s in love with In could also be triggering. But I think the series is more than worth watching even so.

The typed out messages on the screen at the nd just made me cry more.

I wouldn’t change anything about this series. Not a single thing.