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MJ Koontz
Back to being lost in America
The sucking here, isn't from drinking blood or that other thing. (Dirty thoughts much?!)
Kissable Lips is a an exercise of childish daydreams. The plot makes no sense. The characters are hardly sketched beyond their purpose (I Vampire you Pureblood Argh). The time-frame it all takes place is unknowable (It seemed maybe a week or two). And there is enough glossy over-lit melodrama to say, hey Hallmark Channel we coming for you.
The budget is small, but fine, the acting is the strongest aspect of the entire affair, not that it saves much. Some side characters over-act with the best of them. There is even a sequence that requires an actor to maniacally laugh because they are trying to be invited into the league of supervillains. (Illuminati...whaaat!) However, our two main actors do a decent enough job, though for the first few episodes are mostly flat and lifeless. (Ha ha, vampires...lifeless...ugh)
You will be treated to a dose of Romeo/Juliet style old school romance. Ya know, where two characters meet, have love at first sight, and within a week are ready to die for each other and want the other next to them for all eternity. That sort of romance. If you like that, then maybe go for this, maybe. The actors are cute, and you will get some good kissing (Which for a Korean BL is RARE so lap this shit up! But this year does seem to be the year of progress in that department.) But be prepared for everything and I do mean everything to be underdeveloped, unbelievable, and empty.
How much will it all just kinda happen and be ridiculous well, here is an imaginary conversation:
Me: Before, I can go any further, I just gotta ask what is a Pureblood?
The series: It is a person that can cure vampirism if a vampire drinks their blood.
Me again: Ok, so what distinguishes a Pureblood from a normal blooded? How do Purebloods come to be? Why do they exist to begin with? And why is our main character one, when even his own brother is not?
The series:Um, it's Pureblood...just ya know it's Pureblood.
Me: Is it Virgin Blood? (And his brother has already done the nasty?) Korean Blood only with no other bloods from the rest of the worlds races? (But then wouldn't his whole family be this? And hello racism!) Is it blood without something in it, like a hemophiliac or medichlorians (Looked that one up..I giggle). Or blood that has something in it...like mystic magic...yay (Or liquid sunshine!!!)
The Series: Look...it's just Pureblood kay. It is Pureblood. Just accept it.
Me: I think Hermione would have some issues here. Well lets switch and talk about the vampires.
The series: The vampires are sexy and non-threatening. If a vampire kills their snack, they too will die, just not right away, like over time, like a lot of time, until in like a matter of days they fade away sometime in the future.
Me: So like they are in agonizing pain until they die right?
The series: No, they just ya know take this long drawn-out march towards death, and in the meantime they still need to eat, and fall in love, have sex, and have a normal life knowing that eventually they will die.
ME (With side eye): Uuummmmm...isn't that called being human? I mean, isn't that what we call living life? So these are just humans with icky eating habits now?
The series: No, no, cause if they go and drink a Pureblood, killing that Pureblood, then they can become HUMAn. Just as long as it is before they ya know fade away.
Me: Wait, so if the vampires drink a person's blood and that person dies, then they too will die unless they go and...KILL...another person and become human which means they will eventually still die. Really....So kill 1 bad eww cursed with eventual death. Kill 2 good yay humanity and still death..as long as it is a Pureblood. (Which can't be defined, they just exist and this guy is just one). What if the first person they killed was already a Pureblood, then would it cancel out the original curse and it would be like nothing happened, just instant human?
The series: ...um....well...well...that isn't the point of the series. There are just ya know vampires and Purebloods and stuff. There are shirtless guys kissing too. Everyone likes that right? Oh and the vampires also have blue glowing eyes. So yay, that's fun right?
ME: Well that came out of left field and didn't answer any of my questions. But all the vampires have blue eyes that also glow?
The series: No, no, they have normal color eyes that just sometimes glow blue and well, not just blue, sometimes red too.
Me: Oh why red and blue when those aren't their eye colors?
The series: Well ya know the good ones glow blue...the bad ones glow red.
Me: Wait what, like Twilight's Golden eyes versus Red eyes? Are their "vegetarian" vampires that eat animals completely obliterating the term vegetarian and meaning they are on the side of humans?
The sereis: No ours just glow those colors they don't actually become those colors. They just glow Blue and Red depending on if the vampire is a good guy or bad guy, nothing else.
Me: Like light sabers? (2nd SW reference and I don't even like SW)
The series: That's green and red.
Me: No that is Christmas colors...Wait, the vampires are Christmas vampires, this takes place over Christmas?
The series: (Silence)
5.0 = D+, 2 1/2-Stars. Lacking and filled with flaws. Die Hards will likely still love it.
It is fun for a good laugh and a nice sexy scene and that is about it.
The budget is small, but fine, the acting is the strongest aspect of the entire affair, not that it saves much. Some side characters over-act with the best of them. There is even a sequence that requires an actor to maniacally laugh because they are trying to be invited into the league of supervillains. (Illuminati...whaaat!) However, our two main actors do a decent enough job, though for the first few episodes are mostly flat and lifeless. (Ha ha, vampires...lifeless...ugh)
You will be treated to a dose of Romeo/Juliet style old school romance. Ya know, where two characters meet, have love at first sight, and within a week are ready to die for each other and want the other next to them for all eternity. That sort of romance. If you like that, then maybe go for this, maybe. The actors are cute, and you will get some good kissing (Which for a Korean BL is RARE so lap this shit up! But this year does seem to be the year of progress in that department.) But be prepared for everything and I do mean everything to be underdeveloped, unbelievable, and empty.
How much will it all just kinda happen and be ridiculous well, here is an imaginary conversation:
Me: Before, I can go any further, I just gotta ask what is a Pureblood?
The series: It is a person that can cure vampirism if a vampire drinks their blood.
Me again: Ok, so what distinguishes a Pureblood from a normal blooded? How do Purebloods come to be? Why do they exist to begin with? And why is our main character one, when even his own brother is not?
The series:Um, it's Pureblood...just ya know it's Pureblood.
Me: Is it Virgin Blood? (And his brother has already done the nasty?) Korean Blood only with no other bloods from the rest of the worlds races? (But then wouldn't his whole family be this? And hello racism!) Is it blood without something in it, like a hemophiliac or medichlorians (Looked that one up..I giggle). Or blood that has something in it...like mystic magic...yay (Or liquid sunshine!!!)
The Series: Look...it's just Pureblood kay. It is Pureblood. Just accept it.
Me: I think Hermione would have some issues here. Well lets switch and talk about the vampires.
The series: The vampires are sexy and non-threatening. If a vampire kills their snack, they too will die, just not right away, like over time, like a lot of time, until in like a matter of days they fade away sometime in the future.
Me: So like they are in agonizing pain until they die right?
The series: No, they just ya know take this long drawn-out march towards death, and in the meantime they still need to eat, and fall in love, have sex, and have a normal life knowing that eventually they will die.
ME (With side eye): Uuummmmm...isn't that called being human? I mean, isn't that what we call living life? So these are just humans with icky eating habits now?
The series: No, no, cause if they go and drink a Pureblood, killing that Pureblood, then they can become HUMAn. Just as long as it is before they ya know fade away.
Me: Wait, so if the vampires drink a person's blood and that person dies, then they too will die unless they go and...KILL...another person and become human which means they will eventually still die. Really....So kill 1 bad eww cursed with eventual death. Kill 2 good yay humanity and still death..as long as it is a Pureblood. (Which can't be defined, they just exist and this guy is just one). What if the first person they killed was already a Pureblood, then would it cancel out the original curse and it would be like nothing happened, just instant human?
The series: ...um....well...well...that isn't the point of the series. There are just ya know vampires and Purebloods and stuff. There are shirtless guys kissing too. Everyone likes that right? Oh and the vampires also have blue glowing eyes. So yay, that's fun right?
ME: Well that came out of left field and didn't answer any of my questions. But all the vampires have blue eyes that also glow?
The series: No, no, they have normal color eyes that just sometimes glow blue and well, not just blue, sometimes red too.
Me: Oh why red and blue when those aren't their eye colors?
The series: Well ya know the good ones glow blue...the bad ones glow red.
Me: Wait what, like Twilight's Golden eyes versus Red eyes? Are their "vegetarian" vampires that eat animals completely obliterating the term vegetarian and meaning they are on the side of humans?
The sereis: No ours just glow those colors they don't actually become those colors. They just glow Blue and Red depending on if the vampire is a good guy or bad guy, nothing else.
Me: Like light sabers? (2nd SW reference and I don't even like SW)
The series: That's green and red.
Me: No that is Christmas colors...Wait, the vampires are Christmas vampires, this takes place over Christmas?
The series: (Silence)
5.0 = D+, 2 1/2-Stars. Lacking and filled with flaws. Die Hards will likely still love it.
It is fun for a good laugh and a nice sexy scene and that is about it.
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