A little girl in this movie says, "It pays to try." The makers of this movie should have tried harder. For a movie about a giant tusked turtle battling a giant alien fish it was sardine-ally bad.

Aliens once again come to Earth, this time a giant talking fish looking to take over the oceans because his kind had polluted the oceans on his planet. Using a striking Japanese woman under his control he kidnaps two children and their marine scientist fathers. From there the story never really jells. The kids outsmart the "spacewoman" and get them home. But she comes after them with a long chase scene through Sea World. So many things were convoluted, even for Kaiju science that I found my eyes almost getting stuck from rolling.

Suffice to say the Kaiju fights were bad and repetitive. The kids were annoying. The adults were annoying. The one dad kept saying, "That's impossible!" when the proof was right before his eyes. I wanted for someone to tell this Japanese Vizzini (The Princess Bride), "I do not think this word means what you think it means."

As much as I wanted to like this movie, Gamera deserved better. I'm not too so-fish-ticated to enjoy a ridiculous story or children's Kaiju film, it's just cod this one, was o-fish-ally a poorly made movie re-cod-less of genre, and they missed a great oppor-tuna-ty. They simply couldn't fin-ish what they started. On a scale of 1-10, this one was carp. Salmon had to say it. If this review is too punny just let minnow.


10/26/22