It's hard to explain but the feeling I got watching the drama was how it feels to fall in love with someone for the first time. Not some fling that you were peer pressured into having, but the first time someone moves you.
I didn't know this was by the same people who created my two favorite shows, Death Note and Haru Ga Kita but now I know they're geniuses!
This story is about the repurcussions of trauma and how they tend to make you isolated. How easy it is to fall into the trap of coldness and cynicism and pretend your very human feelings don't exist.
Because, as long as no one hurts you, it's all good, right?
But this drama shows you that what you might believe are your personal decisions have a bigger impact on the people around you and especially the ones you love.
And how that kind of cynicism makes you take selfish actions and these actions have consequences.
This drama will move you.
It will make you a better person.
Because all of these dilemmas are universal. And so is heartache and denial.
And unless you open yourself up to someone, you'll never stop feeling so completely alone.
Oftentimes, the loneliness we wallow in so frequently is also our own fault.
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Rewatching this in 2023 (Relationship between Narumi and Mizuho)
i watched this back in my high school days and I don't think my opinion of it changed much but I got to understand it more now that I am in my late 20's and I must say that the writer of this show is a genius when it comes to psychology and complexity of people's emotions. The show rather explores the realism of human emotions. It isn't just a light romance nor a mystery drama.Something about Narumi Hikaru is different and quite misunderstood. His emotions cannot be read. and we only get an occasional glimpse of them that might make us wonder, but that is exactly why Narumi is such an interesting and unpredictable individual.
He grew up as a secluded individual, with a cruel mother who gave him no proper attention a mother should give a child and we can say that how he views women in the future is distorted by his mother. It is highly possible that Narumi's image of someone who sleeps around comes from the urge to kill the emptiness and loneliness he felt over the years which is why he needs a constant presence of a female figure. Another possible explanation is that what he does is some sort of a punishment, punishing other women for the crimes of his own mother.
However, what he has with Suga Mizuho seems different from other girls and no, this isn't a trope of a woman who's different than every other. On the contrary, our female protagonist isn't a special individual and the drama doesn't undervalue other women to show her distinction. Just like other students, she cannot resist Narumi but she yearns for him in other ways. She is not there for pleasure but Mizuho's main reason for not being able to stay away from such an individual is her wish to understand his pain and get closer to him by learning about his troubled past. Through Narumi, Mizuho also seeks to learn more about herself as Narumi is the only person that can make her act out of character causing her heart to waver.
At first, the show makes readers hopeful that it will follow the trope of a woman with an ability to change a man who falls in love with her and she changes his whole life, but that wouldn't be so real wouldn't it? But still , Mizuho has a much bigger impact on his life than we think. She replaces lust with careful physical touch, mostly spending time at his house to sleep next to him, eating warm meals with him or to keep him company so he doesn't feel lonely. Mizuho gives him a comfort of a friend rather than a lover and Narumi finds comfort in her gentle presence. She is not just a potential romantic partner but also a genuine friend.
A great way his slight change was portrayed in a contrast of his room which seemed dark and messy at first representing a turmoil in his mind, which later turns bright and clean during her presence when they cuddle on the floor in a deafening silence as he isn't alone anymore.
The series continues to give us hope in Narumi and his different view on Mizuho until one day, when he catches her looking at the tapes of his past. Mizuho's curiosity towards Narumi, coming from an urge to help him heal, brings an end to their growing relationship.
But the readers are made to misunderstand his reaction to Mizuho's discovery. First time watching, Narumi's reaction might seem toxic and terrifying but it actually comes from the fact that this image of a healthy and playful individual he portrayed is now smeared by truth of his past. Narumi doesn't hate Mizuho as he claims nor he would ever go that far to hurt her but he in fact, hates himself. Unable to bear the fact that she saw his vulnerable side he does what he does the best and pushes her away. What Narumi was saying were impulsive lies triggered by his inability to understand that the feelings Mizuho harbored towards him are not those of fear but pity she feels out of love towards him. As much as she couldn't read him, he also was unable to fully understand her feelings until the very last moment. I truly think that Mizuho holds a special part in Narumi's heart but he cannot reciprocate it like a healthy partner.
If you are watching this show, try to see it from a different perspective. It's main message might mean a lot more if you see it from a standpoint of growth. Mizuho, who is mostly calculative and cautious, a cold woman that doesn't open her heart to anyone and cares for no one grows to genuinely care about another person and finally gathers courage to confess her feelings to the one she loves despite her knowledge that he is not capable of love.
And our old Narumi wouldn't be as troubled as he was in the final scene but would say goodbye with a fake smile like he usually does. But this time, it was different. It is visible that her presence left something in him and at that moment he did not hide his tortured self in front of her as she held him tight in her arms.
At the end of the show, Narumi, who was always the one to walk away first now stood still while Mizuho turned away from him and we are left to guess what his gaze meant as it lingered on her walking away.
A fantastic execution of two troubled people leaving an important impact on each other that changed the trajectory of their life.
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