Para Mim Mesma (2020)

The kind that nibbles at your heart until theres nothing left

Reality is sometimes far from ideal. It can be sad. Disappointing. Frustrating. Daunting. Painful. I found all these in Si Yu, Zi Zi and Xiao Ling's life as depicted here.

We saw the rosy moments. The happy and content times, often fleeting or even underappreciated. But often they had to face so much struggles that life throws at them. In this aspect, the writer does not shy off from showing us the ugly.

The issue in SY and YM's relationship or the cracks in ZZ's marriage. They were very real. Sometimes its not cookie cutter clear who is in the wrong. The relationship stalled at this point from the contribution of both parties. In SY and YM's aspects, they werent on the same page at that time in their lives. I found this to be all the more painful because they love each other but not enough to stay together and be happy.

Often i get upset when watching so i caution those with a feeble heart. But yet 41episodes watch and cried, I'm still here eagerly waiting everyday for new episodes to watch my very flawed male and female leads. As much as it pains me to see them falter, and grope in the dark as they refind themselves. I want to cheer for them. For ZZ to gain independence and confidence. For SY to understand what truly matters and stand back on her feet. I want to witness when they would find back their true selves, and their way to happiness.

The acting here is amazing. The leads are so flawed and imperfect, sometimes weak and sometimes they frustrate the hell out of me, but i cant hate them, i pity them and still want to root for them. Zhu Yi Long (this guy's eye acting and micro expressions are so on point), Liu Si Si and Han Zing Zhi all had their shining moments. Lastly i love the girls' friendship, they are there and supportive but never stiffling or condescending even though they all are so different and have different ambition and dreams.

* I have amended by rating and review upon finishing. This is the first time there's a huge discrepancy during "currently watching" to "completed". The conclusion continues its sarcastically cold reality- except the plot outcome for some of the characters to deliver the ultimatum ended up unrealistic in my opinion. We are suppose to receive the climax and send off our characters but the writing didn't deliver. After diligently shouldering the frustration and watch the humbling problems the girls faced for so long, you asked for a little reward and felt cheated. Watch something else unless you don't mind cruel reality and unfulfilled epilogue.

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What Really Matters

This is a real-life story with characters who may realistically reflect ourselves and people around us. It has intense office politics with people trying to backstab each other and unreasonable demands from their superiors. It explores the relationships between couples who are trying to achieve their ultimate goals, and in the process, losing everything. It tries to answer the question: What really matters?

Story Overview
This is a story about three best friends, their relationships with their respective partners and their struggles living in Shanghai. One is a workaholic - ambitious, independent and magnanimous. In the process to achieve her dreams, she sacrifices her health and the thing that means the most to her: the man who loves her and she loves. The second one is a mother who wants the best future for her daughter hence immerses herself into everything she can possibly do for her 4-year old. In the process, she is blinded by everything and destroys her own happy family. The third girl is an ultra-materialistic girl who works as a waitress and spends all her money on handbags and fashions. She constantly seeks out the best suitor - wealthy and handsome. In her quest for the fattest goldfish, she doesn’t see the little angel fish waiting silently right beside her.

The second part of the story details how the three friends pick up their shattered pieces and rebuild their life. Li Siyu (Liu Shi Shi) realizes failure is the mother of success, and it is not success that she should seek relentlessly, but it's the process of achieving it that she should relish in. Zhang Zhi Zhi (Kan Qing Zi) realizes that she needs to build her confidence by enriching herself so that she doesn't need to depend on anyone. Gu Xiao Ling (Chen Ya Ting) realizes that life should not be dictated by wealth and let herself becoming a slave to it. The ending is very appropriate for all the main characters meeting their own fates: the ones who persevere get rewarded and the ones who go under the law get punished.

There are many conflicts we may encounter in our own life and in our relationships: career or family; should a woman marry for financial security or for love; should a man marry a woman who is only interested in his wealth; should a woman give an adulterous husband a second chance for the children’s sake; should a person remarry even if he/she still loves the other partner deeply (who may have died or being divorced); must a person get married; should a woman be dependent or independent; what criteria should be used to find one's life partner; should a woman consider giving everything for the family a sacrifice and if so, should she sacrifice for her family?

This drama brings out all the flaws in us as humans. There are moments one can be easily tempted and go off rail, as in Liu Yang (Peng Guan Ying) but fundamentally, he's a good father and a good person. Lei Hao Wen (Li Ze Feng) is also a good person who is kind and magnanimous, and a good friend who can be counted on. He just makes a wrong move out of desperation. Li Siyu has a lot of flaws too despite of all her qualities; she is too ambitious and high risk taking which may not fare well with many men including Chen Yiming (Zhu Yilong). And for Chen Yiming, like others, he has his flaws - he is over confident at first and loses all his confidence later and become insecure. I can identify myself with many of the characters here.

Like the characters in the story, many of us do lose ourselves from time to time. We make bad choices and set wrong priorities. We let materialism blind us. In answering the question what really matters, perhaps couples can work out their issues and avoid the pains like our characters are suffering in this drama.

Acting
Liu Shi Shi is a veteran actor, therefore, I judge her more stringently than how I judge younger actors. She gives a very good and convincing performance here as Li Siyu but occasionally I find her facial expressions confusing. Others may argue that this is good acting because in real life, one may need to subdue one’s expressions but still conveys the emotional messages. For me, Liu Shi Shi still hasn’t done this very well. In contrast with Zhu Yilong, as Chen Yiming, he manages to convey to the viewers all his emotions, without really that many facial expressions. A lock of his brows, a tilt at the corner of his lips, the sad look in his eyes, the flashings of his lashes – all these convey his emotional states and Zhu Yilong has given a 100% performance here.

The Message
Often in pursuit of our dreams, we get lost in the forest. We equate success with prestige, wealth and power. We replace our common sense with materialism, and in the process, sacrificing things that are most precious to us.

Ultimately, this story sends us a message: life can be complicated or simple depending on how we want to make it. It can and will be complicated if we have too many demands (eg. prestige, wealth and power); it can and will be simple if we look at what really matters in life, away from all the materialism.

My Verdict
This is a drama about life. No light-headed cute romance. No comedies. Everything is as how we live life ourselves - struggles, tears, broken hearts, failures, divorces, the craving for success, unemployment, capitalist greed, shady business dealings, office politics, work pressure, extra-marital affairs etc. It's a very down to earth and realistic drama for a very mature audience. It helps viewers look at themselves and ask questions about life. It is a thought-provoking story which should be enjoyed by all.

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