The Secret Female Ninja (2010)

Sometimes you sit back and watch a film then wonder: “why the heck was this produced? who gave it the green light and what on earth was the director thinking?” The Secret Female Ninja is the perfect example of those types of films.

I watched this because I thought it would be an enjoyable Ninja film and heck, I was so wrong! Everything about this film is amateurish; from the directing, the storytelling, the action and the dreadful acting. It’s true that the film tells the story of a female shinobi (ninja) but everything felt all over the place and absolutely predictable. The plot wasn’t coherent at all; it felt unbearably weak with many stupid cheesy dialogues and events.

The action was so freaking fake in a foolish bothersome way, this is a disgrace to ninjas; if they were still alive they would come and kill everyone in this film and get over with it. Now, the mature scenes, they were terrible and it’s not because I hate mature scenes but because they were random, unbelievable and used as time-fillers. Some of them didn’t even make sense to show, they were crappy meaningless porn.

The acting was a deep disaster, the female lead’s expressions almost drove through the wall; she was painful to watch and the rest of the cast didn’t do any better either. I was thinking that they maybe these guys are porn stars or something? Because that would make sense if this was supposed to be porn with a stupid plot but I don’t think so. The actors were originally bad and their characters were even worse than they were or it’s their outrageous acting that made them feel that way.

The cinematography was dumb, the costumes were pretty bad and the music was horrible. I told you this is an amateurish film which I believe it had one of the lowest budgets and it would have been better if they didn’t make it in the first place. Re-watch? Never in the world, it was an absolute waste of time the first time around so how on earth do you expect me to repeat that?

Watch if:
-I won’t recommend it to anyone so this will remain blank.

Do not watch if:
-You think this would be a good ninja story.
-You think there’s any decent action in this.
-Well, just don’t watch it if you don’t want to waste your time.

The Secret Female Ninja is an absolute amateurish film containing a dumb storyline and horrible acting. Hey film, give me my 90 minutes back!

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